Ron Jaworski Signs With Minnesota Vikings For Final Game

The next Vike QB. "I have a big mouth and I wear Depends."

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — What would this ridiculous 2010 NFL season be without one more, itty-bitty, final quarterback move? It seems nary a week passed this year without Minnesota making the headlines. This week is no different. Like a suggestive Brett Favre meat-and-veg text, here comes the 16th Norsemen news item of the season.

For their final meeting against Detroit, Minnesota will sign and start current ESPN Monday Night Football color-commmentator, Ron “Polish Rifle” Jaworski. As has so often happened in this year, Minnesota are not entirely sure if this move will reap the reward they so eagerly seek — a final, season-ending victory for their beloved coach, Brett Favre. Or is it Bud Grant? Jerry Burns? Dennis Green? Mike Tice maybe?

Drafted in the second round of the 1973 NFL Draft by the Los Angeles Rams, Jaworski took most of his snaps while in Philadelphia. As the Eagles signal-caller, “Jaws” led them to Super Bowl XV against the Oakland Raiders. Despite losing that game, Jaworski was named NFC Player of the Year and finished his 17-season career with 2,187 completions on 4,117 attempts for 28,190 yards, 179 touchdowns, and 164 interceptions. He also rushed for 859 yards and 16 touchdowns.

“Jaworski brings a much-needed consciousness that this team requires at the moment,” squealed interim Viking merchandise salesman, Kenny Rockman. “I’m so excited to have Ron here to guide our prestigious Viking franchise onto its final death march. He’s passionate. Knowledgable. Can sing like a robin. Wears a fine pair of spectacles. And although he does have a very large melon, we have found a helmet that fits. So, let’s get it on.”

When asked if he is at all concerned about Jaworski’s advanced age, diminished skills, and ability to take a hit, Rockman belched.

“Not at all! RJ has a wonderfully hard noggin. Have you checked it out? Feel it if you get a chance. It’s like high-density fiberboard.”

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