‘ello, ‘ello, “itsBARBZbabes”

So pleased you “Got tones of stuff todayyyyyy!!!!!!”
It must be like Christmas around your flat at the moment.

A couple things, my flower:


First, love the pic!
So flattering.

Are you wearing a tea towel, or is that a bed sheet on that precious empty ‘ead of yours?

And that bottle — Is it filled with lager or BP petrol?

Now then, while busy pillaging today, you might wish to pick up 1) a dictionary; 2) a bathroom scale; 3) the most recent edition of “Twitter For Dummies”; 4) all-new Febreze Lilac and Urine Air-freshener; and 5) a couple dozen boxes of Crunchie Bars.

Rest assured, your new home here at HM Prison Dartmoor, while normally a men’s facility, has been adjusted to meet your feminine sensibilities.

We are so looking forward to meeting you, “itsBARBZbabes.”

Admittedly, some of our ruthless guards are a tad concerned. They fear you might suffer from a tiny bit of insomnia because you’re not used to sleeping in the same bed every night.

Ta-ta for now my darlin’.
I do hope you can make a boyfriend out of stuffed laundry bags.
“Whop Whop” indeed!


Reginald Poxley
HM Prison Dartmoor


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