GPS CO-ORDINATES LATITUDE N38° 35.5531′ LONGITUDE W090° 21.4403′ — You have to hand it to part-time manager, Jurgen Klinsmann, he’s positive. Three days after masterminding a 1-1 USMNT debut draw against Mexico, he was hardly downbeat about his other career-killer — field-marshal of R.A.F.
He saw the sunny side of the wretched 6-0 drubbing at the hands of the Inter-City Cab Company.
“It’s early days yet. This loss doesn’t faze me. I saw a lot of commitment, a lot of energy, (there’s) a lot to build upon. I’m not raging about this set-back,” raged Klinsmann.
“It’s no disgrace to lose to a hacky-sack squad of Lithuanian-Albanian-Mexican-Turkish-Hungarian, er umm, hacks.”
Fare is fair, Jurgen didn’t demand a roster check of drivers licenses before kickoff, perhaps he should have. For Inter-City Cab Company is one of those “fluid” teams. From week-to-week, the roster never quite looks the same. Invariably Bogoslav begets Bozidår begets Bajardo begets Banardas begets Boldizsør begets Bobøo begets Bedouin Bathroom Tea-Tøwel Head.
“I swear this week, one of their forwards was wearing a fake mustache,” harrumphed midfielder Hey Jay Scaldy.
Always mindful of passenger safety, Inter took the field bracing for a challenging clash.
“Our seat belts were tightened, our turbans set to inflate on impact,” proclaimed Turkish-delightful defender Mohammad Maboob.
But there would be no hard tackles or gritty exchanges.
Instead the RAF-fers played as though they had gotten bad directions. After the first mile of action, R.A.F. was spent. “Help yourself to the loose potato chips under the seat, you tea-dumping Yanks,” suggested one on-looker.
Clearly Klinsmann has some trunk-checking to do.
“Next stop — Khandahar!”
“Or wait, sorry. My bad. Next stop — United FC!”
Must have been reading the map upside down.