Kenny Rockman To Marry Barbara Bachmann

GOP presidential hopeful Michele Bachmann disclosed to a Florida audience that God is not only sending a message to politicians through natural disasters like Hurricane Irene, but through her up-coming marriage to former R.A.F. manager, Kenny Rockman.

According to a report in the St. Petersburg Times, the Minnesota congresswoman said:

The Future Mrs. Rockman-Bachmann Can't Wait for the Nupitals

I don’t know how much God has to do to get our attention. We’ve had an earthquake; we’ve had a hurricane; we’ve had to attend this awful fund-raiser. But I spoke with the LORD Thursday, and he said, ‘Are you going to start listening to me here?’ Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring right now. So I’m taking it a step further. That’s why I’ve agreed to marry Kenny Rockman. He’s stable. He has been cleared by my physicians. He’s unaffiliated. I like the ring of  ‘Mrs. Rockman-Bachmann’!”

Bachmann, founder of the House Tea Party Caucus, made her first campaign appearances this weekend in Florida, a perennially important swing state in presidential elections. The St. Pete Times reported Bachmann drew 1,000 people to a Sarasota event on Sunday… and some actually stayed around for cake.

The winner of the Iowa straw poll earlier this month, Bachmann stunned onlookers when she declared that she would “go sorta all-moron like” and take the comfort of, not one, but two man-hubbies.

When it was suggested that what she was about to do was, ya know, illegal, the future Rockman-Bachmann was resolute.

“Meh, I don’t care. Soon I will be president and then I can make up any bat-shit rule I want. Besides, the most righteous of all is backing me thick or thin — ‘Am I right up there, RUSH LIMBAUGH?!?'”

Rockman, who was still recovering from R.A.F.s (2-0-2) sour 5-3 loss to the JC Superlards at the Soccerdome Friday night, was unavailable for comment. Unfortunately, his face was stuffed with ‘C’mon Irene Hurri-corn-dogs.’

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