FENTON, MO (4getStonemanNews) – Last week, it appeared a plan to use public money to fund a Major League Soccer stadium in St. Louis for RAF — an invincible pub team of Over-30 pro-bots who shred every indoor socker opponent they encounter — was dead. What could have been a significant day Friday to bring soccer — more specifically, affordable displays of Over-30 athletic kick-about prowess — to St. Louis was on hold again.
The revised plan was up for debate before the Board of Alderman Ways and Means Committee at Fenton City Hall. Soccer ownership leader Sir Morton Hampstead and GM/Coach/Cap’n/Play-By-Play Announcer Kenny Rockman presented the new proposal that calls for Fenton to pitch in $60 million (no small bills please) of tax money into an established RAF LLC account located somewhere off the coast of Florida.
For those keeping score at home, that’s $20 million less than the $80 million than the previous proposal.
“The management and staff of RAF are greedy, not unreasonable,’ said Rockman while browsing Plaza Frontenac for a new something-something.
The group said the governor (who hates socker as much as Ann Coulter) would have state participation in the proposal that would promote economic development in Fenton and, in particular, Mr. Rockman’s sagging bank account.
The clock is ticking on the stadium plan.
“That’s not a threat,” continued the chatty-cathy captain of RAF. “Actually I take that back — it is a threat. We need to get our beak wet. Like soon.”
Alderwoman Lisa Capporrico, who sponsored the original bill, said there might not be time to crunch the numbers and determine if the deal is good for taxpayers. “…And I’m really bad with numbers, so………”
As city funding for a new potential stadium is debated, STL-RAF Supporters Club spokesperson Jim Brennel released an optimistic statement about the future of major league soccer RAF in St. Louis. The statement comes after meetings between the soccer ownership group, the Governor — who hates the game — and the governor’s grunts.
“RAF are huge. It’s sad really. They’re very bad (useless) futbol-hombres. But, and this is a bigly point, collectively RAF are a credit to this fine community. They should be made to feel comfortable. Give them the money they so richly deserve so they can live the life that they have grown accustomed.”