FARKIN’ FENTON, FO — The 56th consecutive season of the Farkin’ Futball flicked off this last Friday. Fans from Feyenoord to Fulham frantically went into a feeding frenzy, fighting over the fittingly famous fütböl file of fixtures.
“I’m so farkin’ fired up I forced myself into a fuchsia fascinator,” refuted fussy Father Frederick Fortnort, of Florence, Florida.
The first week of Farkin’ Futball was not without phenomenal form. Four of the footie festivities featured fulfilling fan-friendly finishes. The flap and foreboding found the faithful looking forward to a fruitful flow of footballing phases in the weeks to follow.
Find all the Facts and Figures forthwith. See Figure F.
Both Flint and the Fungus flabbergasted and foxed their foes with fantastic, almost freakish, phantasmagorical, foot skill.
“For now, frickin’ nothing is going to form,” inferred Effingham franchise-owner, Faramundo Feivel, from his fancy, filthy-rich front office.
“Now if you’ll forgive me, I have fob-off and face-paint my flabby first-assistant, the fetching Miss Fanny Fankle. I use a fork-cue. Ya feel me?”