Category: Uncategorized

The End is Nigh (Sigh)

WEBBY GROVES, MO — The pessimist in the LORD already has the supreme one counting down the days.

It’s been a brilliant cup so far. Who wants this Russian tourney to end. Certainly not, Mrs. Perplexi Lalas.

“Please keep him.”
We can only imagine she has prayed her knees raw.

Kremlin KGB-ers if you are reading this: Detain the tall ginger one for questioning. He fancies himself as an “enlightner.” What ever that is.

Alright then, how does the Orifice Poole look as we head into the quarter final stage. Well, it is safe to say … the LORD has climbed into mid-table status.

“See? There is a me.”

Sad to report, if you had the Huns “stooping’ the Spaniards in the final, your effort took a serious hit. No truth to the rumor that the Spanish were fed Novichok before the PKs. (What? Too soon? Lalas told yee that joke.)

Ronaldo Rockman to Start for Three Lions Against Colombia

NO OOPSIE-DAISY, MO — England manager, Gareth Southgate, speaking through the open sleeve of his adorable little waistcoat, confirmed this afternoon that he will pull no punches against Colombia on Tuesday.

“Yes, I understand they are a decent Ivy League university, but I still believe we can thrash them. That’s why I will not hesitate to introduce ex-pat and spot kick sensation, Ronaldo Rockman, into the lineup if we flirt with extra-time.”

In addition to placing Rockman (SEE VIDEO) on the bench, Gareth Southgate has defended his selection of Jordan Pickford; publicly reaffirming his faith in his first-choice goalkeeper after the England No 1 came in for criticism over Belgium’s winning goal in last week’s final group game.

“He had some bad chocolate before the match, that’s all. Leave him alone.”

Both Rockman and Pickford have agreed if the match goes to penalty kicks they will only apply Vaseline to the ball — and not on each other.  They are football “freaks” to be sure.

Round of 16 – Knock Yourself Out. So Sayeth the LORD

MO2PLAY4, MO — Even Kenny Rockman and Weberdinho have a chance to take home the spoils.

Yes. It’s hard to believe but true never the less. Going into the knockout round, everyone is still in this glorious edition of the 2018 Wurld Kup Orifice Poole.

The choices for the final are varied. The machinations stupifying.

The video below indicates all the point totals after the Group Stage — and who has whom playing on July 15th,

Click the link, Poole-sters. Then feel free to knock yourself out.

The LORD Hates His Own Pool (and “Socker”)

HAIRSHIRT, MO — I loathe this pool. I really do.

So I did what any self-respecting Orifice Poole Manager would do, I took it on a bender. On a Monday.

In the afternoon.

Pantless.
This is not recommended.

After Portugal wet the bed — like all over my second page bracket sheet. I asked the bar-keep “Dale” for another adult beverage.

So, here are the standings. Excuse the whiskey ring.

“I hate myself. My picks suck. They are feckless. Like a Ronaldo’s Iranian spot kick. “Oh my ME, man! You pick that moment to lay an egg!”

Now please excuse thee…the LORD has to take a wee. Then yodel a rainbow, if you know what I mean.

Problem Solved. Ya See, Rockman Thought He Was Participating In the US Open

Phooey Foo, MO — “You mean the lowest score doesn’t win?!? Ratbag. Then I’m going to have to change my strategy. Excuse me.”

With that, last place, Wurld Kup Orifice Poole celebrity/participant, Kenny Rockman returned to his double-wide, bitchin’ trailer.

In the meantime — here are the updated poole standings — like a Mexican national anthem singer; (Or, better yet) a poncy Neymar peeling a red onion … read ’em and weep.  “Womp womp.”