From the magazine that gave us Billy the Fish… Thank you Viz.
FEN-TONE, MO — Attention earthlings: The Lord of the D is back.
Yes. After Brexit, the Euros and that Icelandic disaster of Titantic proportions, the members of our sketchy staff had to take a much needed break.
How Lars Lãgerback and crew dismantled the once proud (er umm, sorry, …scratch that) once average and grossly over-rated Three Lions is anyone’s guess.
It is still painful. Why the Lord refuses to order a beverage with frozen water cubes in it!
It stings that much.
Never mind. It’s September. Time to turn the Jimmy-page to Yardinals Basebrawl, gridiron Kaepernick, the limp biscuit wind-down of the USL/STLFC and, yepper-roo, the Presidential National Erection. Which has had this fine Yankee Doodle nation’s attention for far too long. The Lord blames Obama. Big quitter.
Hard to believe it’s only sixty some-odd days before we all head to the polls and ralph over the choice between the squawking Clinton chicken and bloated orange roughy fish.
Which prompts a thought-provoking question.– Are you popular? Are you Trump-a-licious? Well — apologies to Clint Eastwood — are you … punk?
FENTON, FAUX PAS — Those attending yesterday’s riveting Wales v Germany EURO^#$%?!?! 3rd-Place match said they had witnessed a “life-changing, transcendent sporting event.” One that could “not be duplicated, not in 20 life-times.”
But enough about that.
What you really need is an update on our little pool-age.
The advancement of France on Thursday was something few bet on.
“I know. I was surprised too,” said someone, somewhere.
Fact is, Germany was the hotttttt pick right from the get-go.
So that wise mignon wager, made today something of a formality from our youngest EURO*$^%?!?! Plaaay-haaa (NOTE: LoftheD’s hip, demographic sensitive lexicon; great with the kids) — with no one riding the Prince Ronaldo and Portugal caravan to victory this afternoon, win or lose, it’s all academic. The path is clear. Finn can coast cross the finish line.
Congratulations, Murph Jr. 2016 EURO$^%&*!?!? Winner! 260 “roses” — American roses.