2018 Wurld Kup Orifice Poole (First Round Standings – Match Two and a Half)

BAG OF BALLS, MO — Are you having as much fun as Aly Wagner?  How about Lionel Andrés Messi? Are you enjoying the Kup as much as the L-Train? He’s having tons of fun, ain’t he? You can just see it written all over his little Arggie gob.

Speaking of being upset — Here are the Orifice Poole standings as of mid-day Friday, June 22nd.

Before you ask: “No, the totals do not include the Swiss/Serb match.”

For the record, Kommissioner Kenny Rockman is still very annoyed. He’s buried at the bottom.  Which is pure bolshevik.

“He picks well — he just picks one pointers,” said someone in Red Square drinking from a government-issued vodka bottle.

Read ’em and weep. Like Neymar. The big Brazilian puss.



2018 Wurld Kup Orifice Poole (First Round Standings)

UPSIDE DOWNTON ABBEY, MO — “I don’t wanna complain,” bellowed the LORD from his palatial estate situated just outside TwattOrkney, Missouri, “but I think someone has been looking at the poole results in advance. Specifically, Irish Mike and his really hot wife.”

Lord Kenneth Rockman has reason the question the first round point totals.

“I witnessed when Irish Mike completed his entry form,’ continued the suspecting Poole Organizer. “I can report that he had had a snootful and seemed rather casual about his picks.  His sheet had a whiskey ring, fer crying out loud, and his predictions included a throw-away guess of Germany 50 Mexico nil. I know I’m not very clever at math — but that ain’t a reasonable scoreline.”

After only 16 matches, the Mike of Matchett has set a blistering pace, accumulating a ridonkulous amount of points. Leaving some participants to surmise that the fix is on.

So where do you currently place in the field of Wurld Kup participants after Group Stage Round One? Great query, Aly Wagner. (CLICK ON THE VIDEO BELOW AND FIND OUT)


LORD, What Is Thee Thinking?

LONGSHOT, IL — The word from the LoftheD’s office, the morning after SkyFather’s Day has many of those participating the 2018 Wurld Kup Orifice Poole scratching their collective noggins.

“The all-knowing, all-seeing Yahweh is going with En-grrrrrland?? Seriously?? Did he even see the results of the US Open this weekend? The English are epic choak-artists,” spouted noted visionary and hair-gel model, Donald Trump Jr.

Letters of condolences have been pouring in from across the globe as it has become painfully obvious that the Supreme Being of Socker Soothsaying has ‘popped his cranium”.  Unconfirmed reports have now officially catagorized the King of Kongs as
bat-sheet cray-cray.

“Obviously our favorite demigod-and-chief has lost it, bigly. It’s time for him to turn over his almightiness to a younger, vibrant and more stable Allah. Joel Osteen perhaps. Someone should give him a call. I’ll go get my crystal ball and Skype device.”

LORD Poolcopy

The LORD Picks As He Has Planned Them

RED SQUARE, MO — The LORD sees all and knows all.

And, on occasion, he remembers and recounts it correctly.

So here’s how thee sees it…you’re free to go about your summer business now, as you now know how it will all turn out. You’re welcome.

(NOTE: This is subject to change. For example, Morocco could start farting around in Putin-ville and poop all over the predicted program. Also, hand-writing advisory — when looking at thou’s sheets, please know that the LORD’s 5s look like 2s; and 4s can be mistaken for 1s and 3s. Common mistake.)

Wurld Kup Stoneman Picks


Is That An Andrew Jackson In Your Pocket? Or Are You Just Glad You Entered the 2018 Wurld Kup Orifice Poole?

TWENTY BUCKS, MO — If memory serves it was Andrew Jackson who once coined the phrase: “You can’t win if you don’t enter.”

The fiery statesman and Jeffresonian Democrat stated this before engaging in a vicious pistol brew-haha with a man named Charles Dickinson. “CeeDick” had called Jackson “a worthless scoundrel, a paltroon and a coward” in the sports futbol pages of local newspaper in 1806.

Jackson had a propensity to respond to aspersions cast on his honor with shootin’ irons. The future president challenged his accuser to a duel. “Nobody calls me a paltroon and gets way with it, by gum.”

At the command, Dickinson fired and hit Jackson in the chest. “Ooooch.”

But luckily the bullet missed Jackson’s heart by barely more than an inch. “Son of a Cee-Dick”!

In spite of the serious wound, Jackson stood his ground, raised his pistol and fired a shot that struck his foe dead. “Dwoink!”

Jackson would carry around the bullet in his chest as well as another from a subsequent duel for the rest of his life.

What’s the lesson here?

Ya can’t win the Lord’s super simple 2018 Wurld Kup Orifice Poole if you don’t enter. Also, whenever possible try to settle disputes with a quick slap fight.  Or paper, rock, scissors works too.

Behold here is the first of installment of the Orifice Poole updates. “And don’t call me a paltoon!”

Can Brazil Eek Out of Group E?

BRAZIL NUTS, MO — What a silly question, eh?

Why not ask something more challenging like:

Can a man really be in love with two women at the same time?


If you were stranded on a desert island with a shampoo for oily hair and creme rinse for dry hair – what would you do?


How art thou, brother? (Quakers only)

These and other pertainent queries answered in this episode of…


LORD’s Office Pool Print-Out

PIT BOSS, MO — The official LoftheD Office Pool is here! It’s like X-mas only Santa is a bookie and the chesty elves are only on hand to make change and fill your drink order.

Remember readers, you can’t win if you don’t enter. Or words to that effect … so come on, drag and drop this tip sheet on to your desktop…then print that puppy out.

Use an old-fashioned pen to complete the form.

Send your can’t-miss predictions to our massive RAF WORLD CUP POOL HEADQUARTERS CHURCH & “orifice”  — along with a crisp Andrew Jackson  (“Hamilton” was way overrated, btw) —  and best of luck.

Entry must be postmarked by June 13th.

The LORD has checked and your official Las Vegas odds are “Yea right, of course you could win…”World Cup Pool (PRINTABLE)World Cup Pool (PRINTABLE)2