KIRKWOODY, MO — An area man, who would like to remain anonymous, filed a formal complaint with the local police officials Thursday, stating that he had been thoroughly duped.
“This team is complete shite,” said the obviously shook Friday night indoor soccer debutant.
“I was led to believe RAF was a quality squad that featured half-way decent players. That’s simply not the case. Seriously, these guys couldn’t suck the schmutz off a porn queen’s face,” he added graphically.
“They can’t dribble. They can’t pass. They can’t shoot. However, I can confirm that they can jerk one into the stands though. They did that many many times.”
The team which features a brand of indoor footy that was once described as an “airbourne toxic event” approached the new signing with a contract in hand and multiple pitchers of smooth Pilsner ale.
“I don’t recall signing anything,” belched the journey-man defender. “Next thing you know I’m playing ‘magician’s knickers’ with this bunch of spunk-drunks. It’s not what I signed up for.”
On the plus side, RAF did manage to win last week, 5-1.
“Doesn’t count. We only beat Elfs Army,” snorted the nameless one.
Around the facility, Elf’s Army are better known as the Bye-Weaks.”